The inevitable Big White Wedding Post

Maybe I am, as Judy Gerstel would have you believe, an "old-fashioned proto-feminist". Or maybe I'm just a grinch. But you're not going to convince me that huge white consumerist merengue weddings are somehow worthy of my support just by waving the word "choice"* around. As Twisty would say, not all choices are feminist choices, and being a feminist doesn't require me to endorse every choice a woman makes.

Gerstel, along with the wedding industry as a whole, would have you believe that a wedding is an idealized expression of the bride's identity, a realization of the princess dreams she's had since childhood (courtesy of Disney and Barbie et al, of course). But there's nothing original about the Big White Wedding -- it's a highly codified ritual, with very strict requirements. The social and familial pressure to meet expectations is enormous. When was the last wedding you went to where the bride wore a colour other than white?** And no, ivory doesn't count.

I'm not calling for us to harangue brides who choose to follow the script. I have family weddings this summer, too, and I'll show up ready to celebrate the happy occasion. I don't blame any of those brides for going along with what society expects of them. But let's not pretend that there's anything empowering or feminist or individual about BWWs, or that it's something women naturally want that we should just accept. Because come on.


*and incidentally, what is up with using the word "choice" against feminists as if it were some kind of trump card?
** the white-dress thing is a particular irritant to me. It's become this huge symbol of "virginity" and "purity" (snort) and tradition, but its popularity dates only to Queen Victoria wearing a white dress to her wedding. Before that, wedding dresses were just one of your best dresses, not a one-time-only white confection.