I couldn't have done it without her

In this article about the new movie Honeydipper, director John Sayles is quoted talking about one of the characters' motivations:

It's not the club Tyrone is afraid of losing, because his wife makes more money mopping floors. It's the fear of losing the idea that he's his own boss, he's not asking to shine your shoes and he's somebody in the community.

(Let me preface the following rant by saying that my problem here isn't really with Honeydipper or with Sayles -- I haven't seen the movie, or even heard all that much about it, and I don't have anything specific to hold against Sayles. But there's something in that quote that I see far too often in our culture, so it's set me off.)

Did you see what was completely skimmed over there?

his wife makes more money mopping floors

So here's the thing. This character can only be "somebody in the community," can only do something that makes him feel complete as a human being because his wife is doing menial labout to put food on the table. Tyrone, like so many men in culture both popular and highbrow, gets to go on a quest for self-actualization because there's a woman in the background worrying about base material reality.

What's really frustrating is that the work of the woman in question (whether wife, mother, or girlfriend-who-might-as-well-be-mother) is usually not appreciated. In fact, it's often used as an example of what a drag the woman is.

Think of High Fidelity, for example. The central conflict of the movie version is that our hero's lawyer girlfriend has become an adult, earning a living, making much more money that our record-store-owning hero. She's essentially accused of selling out. And even though the resolution is supposedly about our hero learning to grow up ... what does he do? He starts a creative endeavour and gets to DJ again. This is growing up? Is he going to be able to do that kind of thing for long if lawyer-girlfriend doesn't keep lending him money?

Practicality, concern for the future, realism -- these are all terrible things that cramp the style of men seeking their true, authentic selves. Just once, I'd like to see a man find his authentic self, and then turn around and say to the woman who's been keeping the bills paid, "okay, now I'm going to work at a soul-deadening job for a while so you can figure out who you really are".

Anyone know of any such examples?

Reviewing a film I haven't seen

I was at the movies the other day (watching something fluffy and absurd, no doubt), and got to see a preview of the forthcoming Knocked Up.

The premise, if you haven't heard of it, is that a pretty, succesful young woman, upon getting a big promotion, goes drinking to celebrate and has a one-night stand with "some guy" who is neither conventionally attractive nor rich and succesful. She ends up pregnant. She then calls up the guy, and lightweight romantic-comedy hilarity ensues.

There is something profoundly unsettling to me about this premise.

Let's set aside the abortion issue entirely -- in the popular media these days, no one ever seems to consider terminating an unplanned pregnancy, but let's give the benefit of the doubt here: the character may legitimately want to be a mother, or she may decide that it's the best choice for her. Nothing wrong with that, although I doubt any alternative will even be raised.

What bothers me is that she decides to seek out the guy, and that she (apparently) starts a relationship with him. Come on. I'm willing to suspend disbelief only so far. Yeah, sure, rom-com premise. But how much do you want to bet it'll get couched as 'a child needs his father' or some such?

This is not just a silly idea for a romantic comedy (although it's definitely silly). This is a statement of cultural belief. That a woman who gets pregnant after casual sex* would rather try to be a co-parent with someone she doesn't even know** than be a single mother says a lot about what this culture thinks of single mothers. And do I even need to say how appalling the idea is that a baby will bring two people together into a context appropriate for a romantic comedy?

What it comes down to, for me, is that this is a profoundly reactionary premise. And even if the film ultimately subverts it (which I cynically doubt), the very existence of the premise, the fact that the studio expects it to sell movie tickets, promotes this kind of reactionary thought.

Also, it's probably gonna suck.


* it would be unsporting of me to ask if any birth control was involved, wouldn't it?
** not to be alarmist, but seriously. She knows nothing about this guy. And she's going to let him help raise her baby? I don't think so.